Idiosyncrasies of Marriage

Joseph & Eun Bong's Wedding

There is no doubt that there is one prolonged event in the lives of humans which quickly reveals the quirkiest of our idiosyncrasies: marriage. Prolonged in the sense that it involves a series of sub-events: a proposal, an engagement, wedding planning, the wedding ceremony, a wedding reception, the signing of legal documents, a honeymoon, and then building a home together, which may or may not involve having children. Of course these sub-events don’t necessarily follow this order, and herein lay the idiosyncrasies previously mentioned.

Are you the type who expects a proposal no matter what? Will your honeymoon come before or after your wedding day? Will your wedding ceremony come prior to, or follow the signing of legal documents? Will your engagement last a year, or a month? Must you be in charge of your wedding planning, or can you leave it up to the wedding factory planner (Korean wedding halls are cheekily called wedding factories for their 30 minute ceremony turnover)? Depending on how you answer these questions, you may be the subject of curiosity.

I bring this up because of my own wedding story (We haven’t had a one, yet we’ve celebrated our one-year anniversary. I’ll get to that later) and a story I heard from my American friend.  Let’s start with my friend’s story.  We’ll call her “Diva” (She’s far from being a diva. The name just works for me at the moment).

As Diva was having dinner with her Korean friend “Yuni”, Diva spotted an engagement ring on Yuni’s finger.

“Congratulations! Have you set a date?”

“Yes, we’re getting married May 12, but I’m still waiting for his proposal.”

Diva, perplexed, looked at Yuni.

“But you’ve set the date. This surely means you’re engaged. How can he propose if you’re already engaged?”

Some of you may sympathize with Diva’s confusion, but to Yuni it was perfectly sensible.  Her and her boyfriend had been together for two years, and during these years together they often talked about their plans to get married. Once they discussed these plans with their parents, the date was soon set, but Yuni was left without her fantasy proposal.  Of course she expressed this dream to her new fiancé, and without a doubt in either of their minds, he was expected to perform. Now instead of planning for their wedding (which will be taken care of by the wedding factory planner), they are anxiously planning his proposal.

My story starts from a similar point of reference. Having been together for four years, talk of marriage was inevitable.  At the end of the fourth year, we decided it was time to get married, so we went to the Canadian consulate in Pusan with passports in hand. In two weeks, without a ceremony of any kind — except the ceremony of picking up the mail where our marriage certificate was deposited — we were husband and wife. This was on December 1, 2008. On December 1, 2009 we celebrated a year of being happily married.  Now it’s January 28, 2010 and tomorrow we are going to Thailand for our honeymoon. We’re still not sure when we are going to have a ceremony; all we know is we’ll have one someday.

1st Anniversary

One thing is for sure, no matter how the sub-events of this prolonged moment are laid out, the only question you need to answer is this one: Are you happy? If the answer is yes, it doesn’t matter whether you follow a linear, circular or zig-zag timeline.

Movement, Body & Focus – Idiosyncrasies of the Body

Movement

Do you take your body for granted?

It’s so easy, and sometimes annoying, to get lost in thought. Although daydreaming is a great tool for manifesting your vision, it is also the keeper of procrastination. These days anytime I feel restless, and thoughts start spinning in a vicious cycle, I make the conscious decision to come back to my body. I stand up and move.  The easiest, fastest and most relaxing activities that fit into my schedule when I feel the need to decongest my mind are the 20 minute yoga podcasts (videos) that I download from yogamazing.com.  Sometimes a little meander down the road in the fresh air helps keep me focused and my thoughts in check. These days what really keeps my in line are my belly dancing classes. Both hilarious and exhilarating.

When I was younger it was all about my body.  Act, then think. To some extent I still follow this mantra, but afterthoughts get more obsessive the older you get.  Mame used to tease me, “As-tu des vers? Do you have worms? J’ai tu besoin de t’acheter d’la medicine au ver? Do I need to get some worm medicine?”, because I was so wiggly.  I just had to move!  I was constantly outside playing some sport. At elementary school I strived on P.E. classes, and sports days. Perhaps if my mother had watched this video she could have found ease in my squirmy nature. As Sir Ken Robinson states, creativity, especially from the body, might just be the key that unlocks the passion embedded deep inside. Luckily my parents supported my squirmy nature all throughout my volleyball, fire-spinning,and hapkido adventures, and now my passion has released itself onto the world.

Fire-spinning was a meditative release for me. There’s something about fire twirling around your body the helps keep you focused. Below is my favorite fire-spinning video. The artist, Nick Woolsey, has taught some of my friends. You can learn a lot about poi and fire-spinning at his website. 

The circular nature of hapkido had the same centering effect. For me, movement is the only real meditation.

Master Kang and Me

Body

For many of us, the thoughts that keep spinning around like a ring of fire in our minds revolve around our obsessions with how our bodies are perceived. Living in Korea can really bring this to light.  Fashion and beauty has a higher priority here than in Canada. You can easily see Korean women in high heels at the mountain, where a Canadian would logically have on a pair of hiking boots or at least sneakers. All in the name of fashion and maintaining the illusion of sexy legs.  Helpful, painless and affordable fashion tips can be found in the The Body Shape Bible. These ladies rock. Check out this site to get immediate fashion tips for your body shape issues.  Don’t fight it. Go with your body’s flow.

Focus

Most of us take our mobility and bodies for granted.  I know I have and sometimes need to remind myself not to. Observing the life of my cousin has taught me to relish every step I take. As you’ll see from the news article, the only body parts he can move are above his neck, but this doesn’t keep him from sailing a boat. How’s that for movement and focus?!

Animal Totems, Culture Shock & Virgo Birthdays – Self-Indulgent Idiosyncrasies

Can you find the frog?

1. Frog Totem - Can you find the frog in the plant? This frog has been visiting me for the past several days. Showing up in the rarest of places – on the patio table, and in my favorite potted plants.  After the fourth time meeting him, I figured it was a sign. If a certain animal keeps following you, it might have a message for you.  It might be your animal totem (click here to find your animal in alphabetical order).  The meaning behind the frog totem resonates with me at this time of my life, especially what it has to say about its senses, language, and creativity. What animals have met you along your life’s journey?

PS. He’s in the top right corner.

2. Culture Shock - Who knew culture shock could hit after almost five years? Well it happened to me. Culture shock is usually defined as something that happens within the first year of living in a new culture.  It’s described by these linear stages: Honeymoon, Withdrawal, Adjustement, and Adaptation. For me the experience dosen’t seem so linear. I also realized how sneaky and subtle it is. I feel like I hung out a long time in the honeymoon and adjustement stages, but after four years and nine months into my Korean experience, I started to notice strong feelings of withdrawal.

Reflection: I felt like

Losing “myself”?

I was losing “myself”, I was beginning to lack confidence in all aspects of my life, and I definitely felt melancholy for family and friends of my “own culture”. I had to readjust my old way of thinking, my old way of being.  I had to mourn the loss of the old “me”. Now I’m celebrating the new “me” – the “me” who is letting go of the shoulds with regards to adapting. I’ve accepted the shift, and I feel myself becoming confident and content once again. I think two new stages should be added to the culture shock model – the Mourning/Celebration Stage, and the Acceptance Stage -stages I came to realize after facing my feelings of sadness and fear.

Finding "myself"?

Check out selfgrowth.com for an uplifting and informative article on culture shock. My favorite quote there is:  “It’s helpful to first acknowledge your feeling and then become pro-active.” Pro-active is the way to go any day.

I dedicate this piece of my blog to Natalie R. who encouraged me to add it.

3. Happy Birthday to Moi! – This is the spooky spot-on horoscope which predicted the shift.

Virgo Aug 23 | Sep 22 No more rotten dessert, Virgo. No more silky danger or juicy poison. No more worthless treasures or empty successes or idiotic brilliance. Soon all those crazy-making experiences will be gone, blasted, dead. By this time next week, the bad influences that were trying to pass themselves off as good influences will have fallen away in response to your courageous drive for authenticity. You will be primed to restore your innocence and play in places where purity is the rule, not the exception. Already, the wisdom of your wild heart is regenerating, giving you the strength to overthrow the sour, life-hating influences that were threatening to smother your spirit.

Find your silver-tongued horoscope at freewillastrology.com.

I dedicate this piece to Rebecca who introduced me to this uncanny website.

Thanks for reading! Until next time, peace out!

Cicadas, Astrology, K-Horror, & Friar Tuck (August 11, 2009)

Cicada Shell

1. The Secret Life of Cicadas – They live underground for about 5 years (in Korea). They emerge and quickly find a space to shed their hard shell. With their newly found wings the sing their song for 7 days until they die. I noticed a whole bunch of these shells under cherry leaves from the tree in my front yard.  At first I thought that’s how they died. Poetic to think this is how they live their remaining days – fully free.

2. A Meal for Friar Tuck – Last week I watched a middle aged Korean lady eat a full fish, head and all.  Images of Rocket Robin hood’s Friar Tuck kept popping into my mind.  In the video note the way he devours the chicken leg. A powerful image I retained from my youth.

Virgo

3. Future A-ha! Moments – Need a little predictability in your life? Check out this online Zen tarot card spread. Choose a card to guide you for the day, or go deeper with a full spread.  Oh! so Osho. If you need a wider perspective get refreshing weekly horoscopes that enlighten your Free Will.

High School Horror

4. Horror Movies Relieve the Heat -  Forget Halloween, summer is when the haunted houses go up in Korea. Many people here believe that being scared silly is a cooling activity. Is it the goosebumps that give this perception of being cooled off?  Check out title of this article, then check out the creepy movie pics to get an idea of how movies are helping us cool down this summer.  There’s even a horror TV show that’s recently aired, set in the creepiest of Korean settings – an all girl high school. BOO!